Category: Humor

Disagreement

I do.
No, you don’t.
I will.
No, you won’t.
I can.
No, you can’t.
I shall.
No, you shan’t.

He must.
No, he mustn’t.
He does.
No, he doesn’t.
He should.
No, he shouldn’t.
He could.
No, he couldn’t.

We fight.
Yes we do.
Make up.
That is true.
You love?
Only you.
And I
Love you too.

Saying Goodnight To Grandma

No more kissing.
One last hug.
I know I am your
Cuddly bug.

But chill out Grandma.
It’s alright.
How ’bout you just
Say goodnight.

You kiss me Grandma
All the time.
I know you love me.
Yes, I’m fine.

Of course I love you.
Sure,  I do.
We both know what I
Say is true.

But Grandma, really
This gets old.
Don’t make me be a
Nagging scold.

Turn off the light just
Move along.
And please turn on my
Bedtime song.

Yes, yes I love you.
Shut the door.
Goodnight now,  Grandma
Enough, no more.

 

 

 

 

The Election

I need it to be over.
I need it to be done.
I need it to be finished.
I’m no longer having fun.

The votes must all be counted.
The winner be declared.
Because I’m feeling frightened
Nervous, anxious, and so scared.

About how we’ll continue
If things don’t go our way.
How I’ll get up in the morning.
How I’ll have a pleasant day.

It’s just so overwhelming.
I cannot even sleep.
I walk around all foggy
I simply want to weep.

Oh please let this be over.
Just one more day to go.
I’m trying to hold on here
But I really need to know.

That after all the voting
I’ll finally be content.
When they introduce our head of state
As Madam President.

The Backseat of the Car

I’m always stuck in the middle
Of the backseat of the car.
I hope our destination’s close
And pray we won’t drive far.

My sister’s on the left of me.
My brother’s on the right.
And both of them are spoilin’
For a backseat kind of fight.

My sister starts, she’s touching me.
My brother kicks my shins.
We glare and squirm and start to fume.
That how the fight begins.

At first we’re talking kinda soft.
With voices deep and low.
“Move over, stop, get off” I say.
My anger starts to grow.

And then the fighting really starts.
We’re yelling and we’re hittin’.
It doesn’t matter who went first
Or where we once were sittin’.

We’re pushing and we’re grabbin’ hair
Our tempers on the rise.
As suddenly our mom turns ’round
With daggers in her eyes.

“I can’t believe you act this way.
I don’t know who you are.
Why can’t you sit and just behave
When we drive in the car?”

Well mom is really angry now
Oh boy, this woman’s mad.
“I’VE HAD ENOUGH”, her favorite phrase
To use when we are bad.

Our car trips don’t go smoothly.
We fight and mom explodes.
It seems we cannot stop until
Mom finally unloads.

And then Dad says “Okay, we’re here.
Now let’s go have some fun.”
While mom just mutters to herself
Thank God this ride is done.

I know there is an answer here
I think I have a plan.
The next car that we buy will be
A great big roomy van.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sports

I hate sports, there I’ve said it.
They stink and they’re no fun.

I hate sports, yes I’ve said it.
I hate each and every one.

The teachers think that sports are great.
They’re what kids like to do.

But if you’ve ever been picked last
You know that isn’t true.

So what if you can hit a ball
Or jump or catch or throw?

When teacher says it’s time for gym
My mind says No No NO!

You are not a better person
Because sports work for you.

It doesn’t mean you’re smart or kind
Or brave or sweet or true.

It simply means you’re good in gym
That’s fine, I think that’s swell.

But if you just plain stink at sports
Gym is a living hell.

How ’bout we change things up a bit
And make ballet the thing.

And no more football, just Swan Lake
That would be dazz- a- ling!

And then some tap and modern dance
Let’s see how that would go.

And no pep rally in the fall
Instead, a dancing show

Someday I hope we change our way
That would be cool and bold.

For now, take heart, this too shall pass.
There’s no gym class when you’re old!

 

 

 

 

 

Fear

Standing on the diving board
I’m hoping to jump in.
No one else is scared to death
Not Matt or Josh or Em.

Not Spencer, he’s a natural.
He runs, then bombs away.
But here I stand knees shaking
I close my eyes and pray.

Come on, just let me do it.
And do it in a flash.
Just move, come on, start running
Make one big, awesome splash

But I just stand here frozen
I guess that would be fine
Except for kids complaining
‘Bout the hold up on the line

That’s fanning out behind me
I’m clogging up the works.
“Come on, let’s go, we’re waiting”
Is yelled by all the jerks

Okay, here goes, I’m moving
This day may be my last.
I’m falling to the water
And really falling fast.

But wait, that’s it, it’s over?
Well that was no big deal.
My fear has failed to stop me
Now pride is all I feel.

I’m laughing and I’m hooting
My grin’s from ear to ear.
I’m fearless now, a diver
The best darn diver here.

As I continue diving
Over and over all day
The only thing I’m thinking
Is one, two, bombs away.

 

Begging

Oh mom, hey mom, please get me that
I need it, I want it, PLEASE.
The begging game has just begun
I’ve fallen to my knees.

Oh can’t you buy this one great toy
I’ll never ask for more.
See, I just need this one small thing
Before we leave the store.

Oh Pleeeeese, I just must have it.
No wait, don’t go, come on.
I’ll do whatever you tell me to
Just buy it before it’s gone.

Oh no, my plan is not working.
I’m having no effect.
You are the meanest Mom I know.
They should charge you with neglect.

I drop my legs, you grab my arm
And pull me through the door.
I’ve lost this round but you just wait
I plan to win the war.

‘Cause next time that I go shopping
I’m gonna go with Dad.
He’s way more sweet and much more kind
And he hates when I feel sad.

Then I’ll tell dad that I really want
This special thing from you.
And he’ll buy it and hand it to me.
See, that’s what my dad likes to do.

Yes mom is tough, she makes the rules
Dad bends them once again.
Mom may be mad when we get home
But I got my toy…..I win!